Unlocking The Beauty Secrets Of The Middle East: Alien Head Princesses

So something I have been struggling with here is how I look when I go out. Getting the proper abaya, putting on the headscarf correctly (or in a way where it won't fall off), what shoes to have on, which giant purse to take, how I will do make-up, what should happen with my hair, etc... I have never cared so much about how I look, really ever. One would think that throwing on a black robe and a scarf would make things so easy. You would never have to think again how you look to the outside world. So simple. Yeah right.

The ladies here all look like they put 19 hours into their appearance when they walk around the mall. Not all of them I guess, but a lot of them. I really want to know how they do it. I want to know how to fit in and not look like a ragamuffin. I want to know how to make that costume they all wear. I have been watching them and looking and thinking and figuring since the day I got here. Being a girl who when she was small got pissed at inaccuracies in other little girls poodle skirts and Laura Ingalls Wilder costumes, I want to do it right.

There is a certain type of young woman that Mike and I have deemed the Alien Head Princess. These girls are pale with thick black eyeliner and lashes, the abayas they have are glitzed out, they have gold and diamonds everywhere you can see, sometimes their headscarfs are all lace, but the identifying feature is the huge lump of hair they keep under the scarf. All the princess's hair is piled up and pinned to the top part of the back of her head, and with the scarf it looks like she has a giant alien head. I WANT TO KNOW HOW!!!

Tonight we went to the souk across the road from our apartment to wander around and avoid the standing water that is still in the streets. I made Mike stop at a shop that looked like a black market Claire's. I walked up and down the two aisles as he stood at the front of the store with Mariam. The walls were covered with crazy cheep jewelry, purses, sunglasses, make-up, and insane hair accessories that most seven year olds would be embarrassed to wear. I found some hints to this alien head look, so I purchased them all for about $3. Then we went by Abayat Corner, a little stand that sells abayas and accessories. There I found the secret to keeping all my hair up in a headscarf, a soft headband with a little extra brim type thing in front. Relief. None of the internet videos told me about this thing, they told me how to use 100 pins and how to fold a scarf so you can wear earrings, and how to do a formal look, and how to do this and that, but none told me how I could just throw on a little band and loosely wrap a scarf around. Finally.

So, I got home, put Mariam to bed, sent Mike down to the neighbor's, and got to work. With all my hairpins, my new doughnut bun shaper that looks like a dish scrubber you put your hair through, the lace headband thing I found at Abayat Corner, and my existing headscarf, I was ready to look like an Alien Head Princess (or at least the hair portion of her). LETS GO!


My arsenal


Huge hair


What I normally look like/Alien Princess Tontie!

Now, I will not really ever wear this look out. I have a long, far way to go. A lot of ladies here use skin lighteners that give them a grey blue pocky look, and then pile on the makeup. I need tons of powder, kohl eyeliner, fake lashes, loads of jewelry and a flashy new abaya before I can mimic a true Alien Head Princess. But it is fun to know and try. I am sure I will pull out my hair doughnut one day before we go to the mall, just to creep Mike out.

It rained here today.

Mariam and I awoke to a thunderstorm this morning! It was not raining, but thunder rumbled though breakfast. Then the rain hit, just a little at first. Just enough rain to make all the dust clump up causing everything to look dirtier. I have seen this happen once before here. It was not very refreshing.

Last time I was talking to my dad on the phone, and I had the big news, "IT SPRINKLED HERE!" he seemed surprised that this was such an odd event. Here are the numbers: December is second to January in precipitation in Jeddah. We get an average of 0.47 inches of rain here this month, January gets 0.55. Yearly we get 2.11 inches of water, you guys in Minnesota get almost 30. I live in the dessert, rain is rare. My dad asked how all the trees, plants and grass they keep get water. The solution, big trucks come around at night and spray all the medians filled with palm trees and blooming flowers every once in a while.

Anyway. The rain kept coming at a sprinkle to a slow pitter-patter. It continued for about an hour and a half. Mike texted me that the school was closing due to the rain and that he would be home early! I went out and took a few photos of our street. Jeddah doesn't bother to have storm sewers or gutters, everything just floods instead. The ground floor of our building is the parking lot, I see a lot of apartments set up like this and the rain must be why.

Last year it rained here for six hours straight. The water filled everything up and people probably thought the world was ending. A lot of the first graders Mike teaches are afraid of rain now because of last year. One little boy was asking, "Teacher, HOW!? HOW IS THE SUN NOT OUT! HOW IS THE SUN DOWN! WHY!!!?? WHY MUST IT RAIN!" Parents showed up early in a panic to get their children and kids were screaming to call their drivers to come get them. It was like a snowstorm in Texas or something.

Shortly after he texted me about the school closing, the rain stopped. The sun came out, and Jeddah returned to normal. 91 degrees and sunny in December.

26 strange things.

Here is a list of some different things about living in Jeddah

1. On is down, off is up. The light switches are backward like that.

2. There are two kinds of electrical outlets. One is for things that run using 125 V the other is for 240 V. Don't get them confused, things may explode.

3. There is no city water or sewer line. Each building has it's own septic tanks and water tanks. Make sure you get a good landlord who monitors these, ours has proven to be great so far.

4. People sleep during the day. If you are not working from about 1 pm to 5 pm, you are sleeping. Then you stay up and go out till very late at night. Playgrounds are vacant durring the day and hopping with kids past sunset. I really need to stop asking the question, "is it going to be open this late?" Ikea is open till 1 on weekends.

Mariam and Michael at a desserted daytime playground.

5. Weekends are Thursday and Friday instead of Saturday and Sunday. Friday is the holy day here, just like Sunday is at home.

6. Prayer calls happen five times a day, starting at about 5:30 am. There are mosques all over and they broadcast the call to prayer on speakers, we can hear about three different ones. It is spooky singing, some may think it is beautiful. If you are out shopping at one of these times, you can keep shopping, but you can't check out. That gives the employees the option to pray if they want.

7. Guys hold hands and kiss-kiss all over this place. It is not gay, but it sure catches me off guard.

8. Most middle class people have maids.

9. Our car gets washed every day by the doorman of our apartment. It would be awfully dusty otherwise.

10. Families and single men have separate sections at most restaurants. It is not as strange as it sounds, the family sections are often times nicer with private booths and hi-chairs for Mariam.

MareBear chillin in the family section at Jamaican Grill

11. Women wear abayas. But not all of them are black, not all women cover there heads, and you rarely see a woman in a full on burka in this city. Women also work at grocery stores and malls here, contrary to popular belief.

12. Lots of men wear long white shirts that go down to there ankels. These are called Thobes. You also see guys rockin' sarongs every once in a while. All the 12 to 20 something boys dress like total hipsters, not kidding.

13. Public art is everywhere.


14. Driving can be scary. Where there are three lanes painted there are typically five lanes of cars. No one looks when turning right, and you have to bully your way through roundabouts.

15. I also need to stop asking the question, "is this a parking space?" Everywhere is a parking space. You can even park people in when you run in to grab food or whatever at the corner stores. The etiquette is that if you are blocked by another person and need to leave, you just stand by your car and lay on the horn. The other driver comes out and scoots the car down a few spots. It happened to us last night.

16. The people here love american food. They have tons of restaurants from the US, fastfood and sit down. Burger King costs about the same here, around $6 for a meal, and Mcdonalds has a 5 riyal ($1.25) menu. You can also find whatever you need at the grocery stores. There are rapidly growing diabetes and obesity problems here as well.

17. You can get ridiculously good local food for super cheep. Foot long tuna, egg, tomato, and cheese sandwich for about $1.25. Yummy shwarma sandwiches for about 50¢.

18. There is a store called Hyper Panda. Like Super Target. There are also just plain Panda stores.

hyper panda sign

19. There are like 1,000 different malls. Some are luxury, some are rundown wastes of time. Lots have ice skating rinks.

20. Lots of parts of this city remind me of Las Vegas, with out all the naked girls, drunkenness and gambling.

21. The people here are really nice. We actually know our neighbors and help each other out all the time. In 4 out of 5 apartments I have lived in in Minnesota I have never befriended a neighbor, you usually just turned the other way or did a quick hello. When I got here neighbors stocked our kitchen with bowls, plates, cups and filled our fridge with lasagna, rice pudding, juice and deserts.

22. Kids rule this town. Everywhere you go you see hundreds of kids. You also see tons of toy stores and stands selling junk toys at parks and on the side of the road. Amusement parks are taking over the city and highways. Guys sell cotton candy in trafic, yesterday I saw one car buy six bags. Every store has it's own play area. All these kids are also allowed to do whatever they want. I have seen kids gorging themselves at the grocery store and rollerblading or riding scooters through stores. The best are when they are driving their Powerwheel convertibles or SUVs and tip over displays. These things are not dangerous, someone will pick it up...

junk toy stand.

23. The S is burnt out on the Saudi German Hospital sign. At night it reads Audi German Hospital. I think this is really funny.

24. 107.1 FM is NPR here. We can listen to This American Life, Prairie Home Companion, and Wait Wait Don't Tell Me as we drive down the seaside. 93.7 also plays American rock music not unlike 93X.

25. Cats are like squirrels here.

meow meow.

26. Everything has a musk scented option. Jergens body lotion, laundry detergent, you name it... these folks are into smelling like musk.

Average day

Mariam and I have been here for twelve days now. We are starting to get into a pattern of normalcy. Here is how it goes:

4 AM: Mariam wakes us up. She is still not quite used to this time change, but this gets better each day. We play and read books till it is time for Michael to get up for work.

6 AM: Breakfast of bananas, cereal and peach nectar eaten on our rooftop patio. We watch the sun rise. Mariam and I try to make friends with the doves that live on the roof by talking to them and leaving them bits of food. It's not really working, but we will keep trying. Mike goes to work.

7 AM: More playing and books. These things never get old with this little girl.

9 AM: I clean off the white tile floor of our patio with buckets of water and a squeegee. It gets dusty here quickly with all this sand! I open the window and let Mariam play in the living room as I do this. She usually stands in the window like a fastfood worker and throws blocks and things I left on the floor inside out at me. She gets mad she can't come out, but she will slip and fall with all the wet tiles.

10:30 AM: Mariam goes for a long nap. I think she takes this as her night time sleep still. I use this time to pick things up and clean or put together Ikea furniture. I am still getting used to all the quirks of the apartments here. The toilet flushes by pulling up a knob on the top of it. Saudi Arabian's don't seem to do the whole shower curtain thing, the middle of the bathroom floor has a drain instead. (this makes me dizzy when standing in the bathtub for some reason) The kitchen also has a drain in the floor, this makes it easy to clean as well. The water is delivered each day to the apartment building in big trucks because there is no city water line. They hook the truck up to the building and fill up water tanks. Water is included in our rent, but we buy drinking water. No one seems to conserve water here either, it feels strange, but we have never run out.

12 PM: I fall asleep. This is totally normal here. Stores and things are not even open at this time because most people are at home, sleeping away the hot part of the day.

3 PM: Mike gets home from teaching first grade. He falls asleep.

4 PM: I get up and look at the internet.

6 PM: Mariam and Mike wake up.

7 PM: I make dinner. Tonight I made pepper chicken with green peppers and onions and fava beans with tomatoes. We ate this with flat bread and my new favorite food Labnah We usually have lots of water and either guava or mango juice to drink too. Typically we eat out on the patio on a blanket. They eat on the floor here a lot, and even sell special plastic cloths to put down that you can just toss out when you are done eating. They throw out everything here, and everything comes in it's own plastic bag.

8:30 PM: We go out. Stores are all open till at least 11, and most till midnight. They have a store for everything it seems. The main roads are lined with an unbelievable amount of upscale malls, colored lights, fountains, and sculptures. In a way it reminds me of Las Vegas, without the naked ladies and gambling. My first night driving by all this I thought there were about 100 chandelier shops, and then I looked closer to realize that a lot the stores just have huge chandeliers all over. I only saw like two real chandelier stores. The side streets are filled with tiny shops and hole in the wall restaurants that all look tasty. We live right by a more traditional Souk. That is an open air mall with specialty shops and vendors on the sidewalks with a little area in the middle that has carnival rides and picnic tables.
Tonight we went to a very nice pet shop called Pet Oasis in a huge strip mall. I wanted to see if they sold monkeys. They do, three kinds. They also had something that looked like a meerkat, cats, dogs, fish, bunnies, lizards, snakes, and a huge selection of exotic birds. Mariam enjoyed it. After that we walked down the mall and peeked into a huge lounge/night club where you drink fake cocktails (no alcohol here) and smoke out of a hookah. We explored yet another grocery store, and got some milk for Mare. On the way home we stopped at a little restaurant and Mike bought us some fruity nutty dessert drink I forgot the name of. I should have taken a photo, it looked very decadent.

Mariam with the ferrets at Pet Oasis

11 PM: Mike reads books to Mariam and goes to bed.

12PM: Mare falls asleep. I do internet stuff and eventually fall asleep too.

getting here.

Mariam and I have now been in Jeddah for almost seven days. We are still working towards getting her to sleep at night. Having a spunky one year old on a nine hour time difference is more exhausting than having a newborn at home. But it still follows the same rules, she passes out, I pass out. So it is 3:32 AM here, and I am trying to keep her quiet and busy so Mike can go deal with a classroom of first graders in three hours. Mare and I will (not try to) sleep this afternoon.

The first day here we slept. We had just gotten off of 24 hours of travel. My dad drove us to the airport at 5 AM last Tuesday. Mariam and I got on a flight to JFK, and she slept the whole plane ride. Next we picked up our bags and headed into terminal 1 for a ten hour lay over. The check in counter for Saudi Airlines was not even set up yet. I guess this was the shortest layover we could have gotten though, unless we wanted to do more than one transfer. Mariam and I sat on benches, played on the floor, ate sandwiches, made very daring trips to the bathroom with all of our luggage. It went as well as it could.

I could check my bags and go through security four hours before the plane started boarding. Six hours went past and we checked in and headed through security. If you think airport security is all scary and terrible now you should stop watching TV and quit reading dumb internet articles. I had no body scan or pat down in my two times though. In fact I did not even see one body scan or pat down. Just your typical shoes off, stuff in the bin, go through the metal detector. Anyway. If you fly anytime soon, all that junk you hear about will most likely not happen to you at all. I think Scott Bibus had a body scan last time he flew, but wouldn't you be curious too?

We got to our gate and Mariam made quick friends with a girl from Germany named Annabelle and a Russian baby about her age named Ayesha. Mariam and Ayesha toddled around the gate and played together till the flight to Moscow left. We had some tuna and milk for dinner and Mariam fell asleep just as we started boarding our giant airplane to Saudi Arabia.

The plane was very nice. Each seat had it's own TV and they gave Mariam a little bassinet to sleep in. They also gave her a soft backpack that folded out into a blanket. It had a stuffed version of the airplane with big eyes instead of windshields, diapers, a nuk, a bottle, baby wipes, baby lotion, baby cream, baby soap, baby powder, two baby foods, baby apple juice, and a baby teething biscuit in it. They gave me two pillows, two blankets, socks, a sleep mask, a toothbrush and toothpaste, headphones, a refreshing towelette, two really good airplane meals, a snack, and at the very end a little green candy. I watched "Where the Wild Things Are" and "The Fantastic Mr. Fox" in between meals and compulsively checked the feature that told me the time left in transit and the exact place we were over. Mariam slept and I waited forever for the sun to start peeking though the windows. It finally came through, and I realized we still had hours to go. I am not good at sleeping on airplanes, even with pillows and fancy things.

We flew over Spain and Italy and Greece. We flew over The Nile. I got up and put my Abaya on in the bathroom and we finally got to Jeddah. Mariam and I got off the plane and on to a little bus that took us to the building. It was hot and the sun was setting already. The airport was pretty typical, besides the fact that all the women had on black Abayas and the men had on giant white shirtdress things. I filled out a little card for myself and Mare and we headed through customs and out sliding doors to a large crowd of people. Mike hopped the railing holding them back and hugged us. Mariam started to cry, I started to cry, a man brought our bags out, and we got into our car.

Mariam is looking sleepy now. I am going to take advantage of this calm and post more later. Goodnight!

::tontie::

Abaya Hunting

So, in order to walk around with out looking like a total weirdo, and to respect the people and culture of Saudi Arabia I need to wear an abaya when I am there. An abaya is a long black dress that you put on over clothes when you go out, like a coat (sort of). It is the national dress in Saudi, and most women there will also cover their heads with a scarf. You don't have to, but I plan on doing it just to avoid unwanted attention.

I am a sucker when it comes to costumes and historical fashion and dress-up, so when it came time to come to terms with the abaya it was not that difficult for me. Women from the region began dressing in this fashion about 4,000 years ago. Covering then was more about class than religion. Wearing a veil was a sign of luxury and privilege, given to the women who did not have to work. If you were doing anything difficult, why would you want to deal with the extra layers! Being a mom is a tough enough job, I don't really want more layers. But, I thought I should get my abaya early to test it out in the Minnesota summer heat, and see how it works around Mariam.

Mike took us to one of the Somali Malls in Minneapolis. It was a big warehouse type building with cars packing the parking lots and groups of intimidating looking Somali men chatting outside. We stepped in and it smelled like 300 different types of incense. There were stores lining every inch of space around the perimeter and the middle of the building. The halls were packed tight with racks of every color and texture fabric you could dream up. Each shop looked as if it were a heavily decorated shoebox diorama with a little person or two inside. Somali women and men sat in chairs surrounded by walls made up of skirts and scarves and CDs and shoes and foods and gifts, all foreign looking to me.

We quickly found a women's clothing area. Mike and I asked a very elderly looking woman for help with an abaya. She got a hook and took down one from the ceiling of her shop. Three other women huddled around me, helping me get the black dress over my head. The oldest taught me how to secure the scarf, wrapping it over and over, giving me little bits of direction in her language. Mike gave them cash and we left to go explore a bit more. I will give you Minneapolis Hipster girls a hint: If you are looking for a perfect unique skirt, or any color or texture of scarf, the Somali mall is the place to go. Things are super cheep and way cooler than Target, Urban Outfitters, American Apparel or thrift shops for that matter. And no one else in your circle would probably have the guts to go in a find a copycat. Really beautiful things.

We walked back out to the car. I had not taken off my new abaya so I could take it for a test drive. My first words were about five steps out the door, "hot. hot. hot. hot." Mike suggested that we walk slower thinking that our quick pace was too much for me. I explained that it was not my body making the heat, it was the sun baking into the matte black fabric.

Wearing an abaya is very similar to wearing your high school or college graduation gown. It is kinda neat, you feel sort of important, but as a girl you pull at the waist trying to define your cute shape a bit more. I know that defies the point. Anyway, it is about the same weight as I remember the black polyester grad gown being, but a bit longer.

I had no problems getting Mariam in her car seat and did not trip or get my sleeve caught in the car door. Besides being warm, it was no trouble at all wearing an abaya, so far. Next stop was Target to pick up some things. I felt like a cross cultural mess as I got out of the car and my insecurities kicked in. A German/Norwegian girl in Moccasins and a black Abaya. What if my scarf flew off! Then I realized the worst part of the Abaya. NO POCKETS. I am a pocket user, especially in the summer when I don't want a heavy hot purse on my shoulder. My phone was under my abaya in my left pocket and my cash was in my right pocket. I had to hike up the black to get to my little jean skirt underneath. That felt really revealing and scandalous even though I have no problem going out in just a little skirt. I want an abaya with pockets. Target went fine, no one cared. People won't even think twice of me in Saudi, unless I go without my abaya.

Things & Kitties For Sale & Give Away!

Need some new furniture? Need a furry friend? I am your lady. Our place be cleaned out and packed up by August 31. Let me know!

One year old couch with removable and washable slipcover in beige. $200

Dining room table with four chairs. $65

End table $10

Red chair (I have two) $40 each

Bookshelf (two of those too) $10 each

Various house plants. FREE

Noonie: 9 year old female cat. Black, front declawed, cuddly, loved by everyone. FREE

Charlie: 8 year old male cat. Black and white, front declawed, best companion ever. FREE

These kitties are the best cats ever. It kills me to think about putting them in the shelter, or posting them on craigslist. Please take one home!

Going East

After months of discussions, research, questions, daydreams, concerns, and excitement we have made a huge decision. Michael Abraham and I are packing up Mariam and moving to (almost) the other side of the world. We will be living in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia for the next three years.

I am well aware of the cultural differences and the impressions that most Americans hold of this far away land. However, the benefits of our move outweigh the nervousness we have and the sacrifices we will be making. Overall, I think we made the best decision. I am curious and looking forward to the next adventure life holds for me and my little family.

Mike has accepted a job at a Boy's School in the port city of Jeddah. He will be teaching Math, Science, History and English all in English to an Elementary school class. The school is very well off with Smartboads in each room, laptops for everyone, and some amazing looking sports facilities. His very good friend Chris has been working at this school for a year and a half and is now part of the administration. He suggested Mike apply for the job, and has put together a pretty great pay and benefits package to attract Americans as teachers.

Chris (who is from Wisconsin) has lived in Jeddah for almost two years with his wife and 2 year old daughter. They have had a positive experience living there, and have worked out a lot of the initial kinks of adjusting to the city and culture. We are very fortunate to have their help and company!

With the money we will be making we can pay off all of our college loans and medical bills. We will be able to live comfortably, and can afford a three bedroom two bath villa in Jeddah. We should also be able to save a bit! Top of the line Healthcare is included and completely paid for. We have talked to Mariam's doctors here and they say Saudi Arabia's medical system is on par with Britain and France and we have nothing much to worry about. One also asked us to send him photos of Mariam with some Camels! We have also already found a Pediatrician from New York who practices in Jeddah. With Michael working as a teacher we will have June through August each year to travel and visit you guys at home. The benefits package also includes some money for trips back.

Mike will be leaving September 6th and Mariam and I will be following sometime in late October or early November. That way he can scope it out, set up house, and our visas can come through.

Over the next few weeks I will be posting information about Jeddah, and answers to questions I had and anything you guys might have too. I encourage comments and questions from you! I am planning a post on my views of feminism and living in Saudi, and an entry giving you an overview of what I am told life in Jeddah is like. Those should come in the next couple of days. I plan to keep this a very regular blog for my entire stay in the Kingdom.

We are looking forward to the time we have left with everyone here, and sharing our experiences once we move. Again, your questions and comments are encouraged!

::tontie::

p.s.

To all you Negative Nancys: I am not a secret Muslim, and I have not been brainwashed. I am me, please respect that.